What if...

This spring, after a week of dreary drizzling days, I was laying on the bed, utterly exhausted and emotional from pregnancy and morning sickness and disappointment when a dear friend called. After telling me about what she had been up to, she asked, "Sometimes it feels like life just couldn't get any better, doesn't it?!"

"Um, I'm so happy for you..." I said, trying to avoid the question. I sure hoped "life could get better"!

This conversation keeps coming to mind. The days since William was born have flown by so quickly: full of answered prayers, sweet baby smiles, toddler kisses, time with my wonderful husband and the love of friends and family. Sometimes it seems that my cup of blessing simply couldn't contain another drop.

As I stood looking out the window a few weeks ago, with William and Rosalind peacefully sleeping, the sun shining brightly on my little garden and sending it's light dancing across the floor, a sudden feeling, almost of panic, seized me.

What if the fact that I'm so utterly happy now, means that postpartum depression will hit extra hard tomorrow? What if Joshua doesn't get a summer job again next year, even though he has worked so hard and done so well? Will I be able to handle his intense schedule knowing that all his hard work is not paying off like I want it to? What if William starts to get colicky and I don't get any sleep and the neighbor gets mad and...? What if, what if, what if...

And then I laughed. What if all those things happen? Will that change the fact that God is in control? Will His care for us cease? Of course not. And of course life will not always be full of supreme happiness unmixed with trials. Both are part of God's good gifts. I must learn to hold the blessings with open hands, knowing that He who gave can take away, but that either way His name should be blessed.