Sunday, September 27, 2009

What if...

This spring, after a week of dreary drizzling days, I was laying on the bed, utterly exhausted and emotional from pregnancy and morning sickness and disappointment when a dear friend called. After telling me about what she had been up to, she asked, "Sometimes it feels like life just couldn't get any better, doesn't it?!"

"Um, I'm so happy for you..." I said, trying to avoid the question. I sure hoped "life could get better"!

This conversation keeps coming to mind. The days since William was born have flown by so quickly: full of answered prayers, sweet baby smiles, toddler kisses, time with my wonderful husband and the love of friends and family. Sometimes it seems that my cup of blessing simply couldn't contain another drop.

As I stood looking out the window a few weeks ago, with William and Rosalind peacefully sleeping, the sun shining brightly on my little garden and sending it's light dancing across the floor, a sudden feeling, almost of panic, seized me.

What if the fact that I'm so utterly happy now, means that postpartum depression will hit extra hard tomorrow? What if Joshua doesn't get a summer job again next year, even though he has worked so hard and done so well? Will I be able to handle his intense schedule knowing that all his hard work is not paying off like I want it to? What if William starts to get colicky and I don't get any sleep and the neighbor gets mad and...? What if, what if, what if...

And then I laughed. What if all those things happen? Will that change the fact that God is in control? Will His care for us cease? Of course not. And of course life will not always be full of supreme happiness unmixed with trials. Both are part of God's good gifts. I must learn to hold the blessings with open hands, knowing that He who gave can take away, but that either way His name should be blessed.


Anonymous said...

Finally another comment......yay!
Miss you.


Lydia said...

You are so right! The picture of William is so adorable!

Jeff & Janelle said...

WOW, you are always such a challenge to me! THANKS for sharing your heart!!! So encouraging to remember that He IS in control and know ever hair on our head and won't give us more than we can handle!!! You're precious Anna! Thanks always for being such a testimony of a Christ filled woman, mother and wife! I always look up to you and thank the Lord that there are still QUALITY women out there these days to learn from! Keep up the wonderful work and I'm praying your postpartum stuff goes by quickly and easily! LOVE YOU!

A'yi said...

What if nothing like that happened?:) Then you would have fretted and worried in vain.:) I can't help thinking of a WW1 song that was so popular during that time,
"Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile. What's the use of worrying? It never was worthwhile."
It sure isn't worthwhile when our Father knows what we need.

I just love the picture! I want to kiss him, so that means . . .:) Please do it at least five times.:)

Brandy said...

Well said. Thanks so much for the reminder :0)