What if...

This spring, after a week of dreary drizzling days, I was laying on the bed, utterly exhausted and emotional from pregnancy and morning sickness and disappointment when a dear friend called. After telling me about what she had been up to, she asked, "Sometimes it feels like life just couldn't get any better, doesn't it?!"

"Um, I'm so happy for you..." I said, trying to avoid the question. I sure hoped "life could get better"!

This conversation keeps coming to mind. The days since William was born have flown by so quickly: full of answered prayers, sweet baby smiles, toddler kisses, time with my wonderful husband and the love of friends and family. Sometimes it seems that my cup of blessing simply couldn't contain another drop.

As I stood looking out the window a few weeks ago, with William and Rosalind peacefully sleeping, the sun shining brightly on my little garden and sending it's light dancing across the floor, a sudden feeling, almost of panic, seized me.

What if the fact that I'm so utterly happy now, means that postpartum depression will hit extra hard tomorrow? What if Joshua doesn't get a summer job again next year, even though he has worked so hard and done so well? Will I be able to handle his intense schedule knowing that all his hard work is not paying off like I want it to? What if William starts to get colicky and I don't get any sleep and the neighbor gets mad and...? What if, what if, what if...

And then I laughed. What if all those things happen? Will that change the fact that God is in control? Will His care for us cease? Of course not. And of course life will not always be full of supreme happiness unmixed with trials. Both are part of God's good gifts. I must learn to hold the blessings with open hands, knowing that He who gave can take away, but that either way His name should be blessed.

Daddy's Little Girl

I know this is a bit late, but at last time to get on the computer and working internet have coincided. ;)

One of my earliest memories is of sitting with my daddy as he told me the stories of the Bible, from Adam to Christ. To this day I can still remember the pictures and his patient responses to my myriad of questions.

No matter how busy his day, he took time for each of us children. Time to read us a story, teach us chess (I still haven't beat him!), play outside and eat dinner together. As the years past, dinner time became the highlight of the day. It was around the table that we heard the latest news or discussed ideas. Before long we'd be passionately discussing the latest in politics, rehashing historical events, learning about a new scientific discovery or concluding dinner by breaking out the hymnals.

Growing up, I always knew I could go to my dad for wisdom, counsel or just to share a fun new discovery. For a little girl, there are few things more important than resting secure in your father's love, being able to trust him for counsel and knowing that he's devoted to your mom.

Having been blessed with such a wonderful relationship with my dad, I am doubly blessed to watch my little girl with her daddy: knowing that she too gets to grow up under the loving guidance of a godly man. There are few things more precious that an adoring daughter running in to see if daddy likes her new dress or waiting impatiently for him to get home from work. Yet how rare good daddies are!

Thank you to my daddy and my little girl's daddy.

Symbols and Children

There comes a time in a girl's life when she realizes that Mama gets to wear a pretty ring and she doesn't. That time came for Rosalind about a month ago.

"Where Rose ring?" she asked, pointing to her empty finger. And then came the time to explain, to a toddler, the meaning of the ring. "This ring means that Papa loves me and promises to protect and provide for me; and that he will be a good Papa to our children-to our little Rose."

A sagacious nod. Now she points to my hand and says with a wise look in her eyes, "That's Papa ring."

Since Joshua and I began attending a more liturgical church, I've often pondered the reason for liturgy and symbols and repeated acts of worship. Why do we pray the Lord's Prayer, confess the ancient creeds of the church and take the Lord's supper? For that matter, why do we pray before eating or going to bed? Does repeating a ceremony daily, weekly, yearly make it mere rote?

Certainly not! Though we certainly can mumble a prayer before dinner just because that's what "good people" do, the most important aspects of life are commemorated by thoughtful traditions. Dinner prayers to remind us that all is a gift from God, communion to reflect on the mercy of Christ, the creeds to remember the basic beliefs of Christ's followers and a wedding ring to symbolize the union of husband and wife...

After God commanded the Israelite people to keep the passover, He said, "And when in time to come your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ you shall say to him, ‘By a strong hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, from the house of slavery.’" (Exodus 13:14)

Not only are symbols a reminder to us of the covenants God has made with us, or we with one another, and an encouragement to be faithful in them, but they open the door through tangible examples to teach our children. How beautiful the simple sacred symbols are!

photo by J. Chris Photography

The Gift of Grandmothers

Much has been said about the importance of godly mothers in the training of children, but not nearly as much about godly grandmothers. But what a blessing they are and how much easier it makes said training when the grandmothers stand beside and support you!

"Spoiling the grand kids rotten" seems to be the ideal of many Western grandparents. While Rosalind has most certainly been spoiled by her two wonderful grandmas, I'm so grateful that it's been in a way that helps, not hinders her training.

Involved beyond the short term:

It's not uncommon for parents to welcome home their children after a weekend at the grandparent's only to find them loaded with candy, begging for more and more tv and running completely wild. As I overheard one grandma say, "I only have them for the weekend, so I might as well spoil them."

While a bit of candy (especially chocolate ;), or an occasional good movie are great, I'm so grateful that Rosalind's are involved beyond the short term and focus on making memories with her that surpass candy and popcorn.

And to have grandmas that actually reinforce the training received at home--that's so rare! But time and again they've encouraged her to "listen to Mama right away" or "run obey with a happy face".

A repertoire of wisdom:

Having both raised large family themselves, they have such wisdom to share with me. It's such a blessing to be able to call up when I need advice on what to do about her fever, help for some aspect of child-training or just plain encouragement. And even when I do things differently than they did, they are still so supportive.

Gifts, gifts, gifts:

Shortly before Rosalind was born I asked the grandparents if they'd mind not showering her with noisy flashy toys. (Since children generally make enough noise on their own! ;) I'd far rather have a few good quality toys that will last for many years than a room overflowing with cheap plastic ones.

Ahem...well, she's been showered with more than a few toys, but each gift has been so thoughtful and well-loved. From the cutest baby quilt ever to the sweet dollies (and stroller!), beautiful books, and well-loved train they've helped make her room a little girl's haven or provided countless hours of creative fun.

Oh and the clothes!!! Between hand-me-downs and surprise packages in the mail, I've hardly had to buy a thing for Rosalind.

Thank you! While Rose certainly has been spoiled, it's been in the best possible way. Grandma and Nonnie--you are such an incredible blessing! Thanks for being such wonderful Mothers and Grandmothers.

And thanks to all the other godly grandmothers as well. We need far more like you!

Since Rosalind can't give you the pretty "flowers" she picked (with the stems!!), she at least wanted you to see a picture of them.

Links to: Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers

Joys of Motherhood

Wind rustles the tree's blossoms, sending a shower of fragrant petals dancing across the yard. Laughingly Rosalind bends to pick a flower, clapping her hands in glee. Could life be more delightful?

Ten months after our wedding, we were proud parents of a tiny Rosebud. In my dreams of a family, I had always pictured myself with many little ones, fairly close together. But month after month passed. Hearing of a friend or acquaintance with her first two so close together, a twang of jealousy beat. Why must pregnancy be so complicated sometimes?

But delightful as it is to have siblings close in age, the One who gives children also decides when to give them and His plan is best.

As my first baby blossoms into a little girl, I've realized what a joy it is to get to watch her enter the toddler stage without any distractions. Each morning brings a fresh adventure, alive with new delights and discoveries that I get to share just with her. Whether it is the thrill of picking flowers for her room, disturbing an ant pile and watching the scurry to repair the invasion, stepping outside just before bed to gaze at the stars or observing her sit in rapt attention silently staring at the falling rain, the innocent amazement of a child wraps the whole world in wonder for me too.

How can I doubt that He who created each delicate flower and placed the stars in their place knows what it best for me and mine? Can I forget my little child? Much less would He forget me.

As eagerly as I am awaiting the arrival of our son, these toddler days are slipping by so quickly. I am determined to enjoy each day alone with my little girl to the fullest, grateful that though "God's ways are not my ways," His ways are best.

See more "Gratituesday" posts here.

Catechism: "What God made?"

Rosalind just woke up from a nice long nap and is entertaining herself with a series questions:

"What Ro-Ro [Rosalind] made?" (pause)
"What God made? Fowers. Sun. Moon.
"Where sun?" Dere sun-owside!

I am constantly amazed by how quickly children pick up on things. A few weeks ago, after noticing how Rosalind loved asking and answering her own questions, Joshua said we should start catechizing her.

Our pastor's wife gave me a copy of the little catechism book she used for her daughter. It's certainly not the Westminster Shorter Catechism, but the perfect place to start--a "baby version". :)

Rosalind loves it. Before going to bed, she'll repeatedly try to say the answers. The first question was easy: "Who made you?" -- "God". We're still stuck on the second: "What else did God make?" The answer is four whole words long. "God made all things."

Even if she still jumbles the answer completely, it's delightful to watch her thinking about the question and grasping the concept.

photo by Erik Aroujo

"Where sun?"

Rosalind has reached the stage where "twenty questions" is a delightful game to her... the only problem being her limited vocabulary, resulting in twenty very similar questions: "where phone?", "where keys?", "where Papa?".

Thankfully, the last few days she has found a new favorite, "Where sun?" After asking, she will answer her own question and point excitingly to the sky, "There sun!"

But this morning when she woke up the sun was covered in clouds and the view outside was wet and gloomy. "Where sun?" she asked, looking out the window.

"The sun is still there," I answered, "but it's hiding. Clouds are covering it all up."

"Oh," she responded with her most grown-up articulation and pointed to the cloudy sky, "there sun."

Then I realized the much deeper truth beneath her childlike acceptance. So often this is a picture of life. You have done your best, carefully laid your plans and then clouds cover the path. The Sun does not always shine forth brilliantly immediately and you are left without the lovely rays of Sun. But the Sun is still there, always watching and always caring, and showing Himself once again and illuminating the path not the moment you or I choose, but the moment when it is best.

"My life is just a weaving
Between my Lord and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaves so skillfully.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ‘til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And explain the reasons why-

The dark threads are as needful,
In The Weaver’s skillful hands
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned."

by B.M. Franklin

Can He give bread also?

Waiting. Expecting. Not knowing what the future holds. Though perhaps one of the most common states of mortal man, it's also one of the most difficult to bear.

This year began with one blessing tumbling over upon another. Many nights I fell into bed simply exhausted from the pregnancy, but overwhelmed by God's goodness to us.

Yet as the weeks past an unexpected situation arose which I found really difficult to accept. As I kept praying and not receiving an answer I began to get discouraged and impatient, wanting a "yes" now. Then one morning I was reading from Psalm 78.

The Psalmist begins by calling us to attention: this is what we must remember and pass on to our children so they will "set their hope in God"... Then he recounts God's dealings with the Isrealites. How He brought them out of Egypt, divided the sea before them, guided them by a cloudy pillar, brought water gushing forth out of a rock.

But then they cried out against God,

“Can God spread a table in the wilderness?
He struck the rock so that water gushed outand streams overflowed.
Can he also give bread
or provide meat for his people?”

"Can He give bread also?" The question struck home. How quickly I forget. Rather than keeping His many blessings before my eyes and confidently trusting that of course He can "give bread also", I so quickly slip like the Jews of old.

But how much smaller any problem appears when seen in light of all that God has done in the past! And so the Psalmist stresses again and again, remember the past, recount God's goodness, tell your children so that when trials arise you will not forget the one who has lead in the past.

Photo by Christy Thompson

Puppy puzzles and kitty sounds

As I tackled the stack of shirts waiting to be ironed, Rosalind sat on the floor playing with her puppy puzzle. The first shirt done, I glanced down and stood amazed. She had already matched all the pieces. Yes, I know. It's not that big of an accomplishment, but every time before this she was flabbergasted when I attempted to show her how to match the pieces.

Silently I had begun comparing her to other little ones her age and worried that she was lagging behind.

How silly! It just hadn't clicked yet. Eventually she will learn to say "meow" not "num, num" when asked what the kitty says, begin reading, write cursive... In the long run does it really matter if she's a little behind or ahead "of schedule"? I am not called to compare her with her aunt or cousins or friends but to patiently train her and enjoy being her mommy.

However, since the puzzle was quite a breakthrough for her, I decided it did deserve a video. (She still thinks putting it away is the best part!)


Puppy Puzzle from Anna Christensen on Vimeo.

Grimy little fingers

"Here mommy, just for you. I love you," her little eyes seemed to say.

Though taken months ago, for some reason I simply cannot forget this picture. Her smudged face and grimy little hands lifted up to me are etched upon my memory. Looking into her deep blue eyes as she tries to please, makes me want to pick her up, clean her off and just smother her in kisses.

But looking again, it has even deeper meaning for me. For, in many ways, I am the one with the grimy hands. My hands are soiled time and again with worry, anger, disrespect, apathy, laziness... and my attempts to love and please my Father fall so miserably short. Coming before Him, there is no work of my own that could ever merit His favor.

In her book Mimosa, Amy Carmichael shared how the young believing Indian mothers would pray, lifting up their empty shawls and asking simply, "My hands are empty, fill them." And that is the place where I too must come. Emptied of reliance on myself, realizing that my feeble attempts to please, my works, my mothering... are nothing, no, worse than nothing. But believing that "as a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him." (Ps. 103:13 ESV)

Looking up at my Father, He sees past the failures to the perfect sacrifice of Christ. Beyond me, to the beauty of His Son. As I wait for Him, He will cleanse my hands and fill them with His love and mercy and joy.

"What button does God push to turn on the snow?"

Someday soon the barrage of questions will begin. Until that time though, I still want to teach my little Rose and lay a firm foundation for the inquisitive years ahead. Yet sometimes it's difficult to "carry on a conversation" with a busy toddler.

I've been thinking about this the past little while, and then remembered that we are told to teach "with Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord". Not only does singing of the goodness of God brighten the day and put a smile on my face, she gets to learn of God as I sing.

The verse lays out three different "categories" of songs. But many times it seems that spiritual songs are viewed as modern, hymns as way old-fashioned, and psalms something you'd sing in a stuffy old church three hundred years ago. [At least that's how it seemed to me-though I still loved hymns.] Certainly that can't be right though, can it? It wasn't until reading a commentary on the verse that I learned the distinction.

Psalms are simply the beautiful words of the Scripture put to music, allowing us to praise God through his own Words. What more powerful way to learn the truths of Scripture than to sing them? Not only that, but they are full of power and life. Never before had I heard such joyful singing as when I heard little children belted out the psalms in praise to God.

Augustine defined a hymn as "a song containing praise of God". Hymns focus on God Himself, what He has done, who He is.

Finally, spiritual songs are those related to our journey through life with its difficulties and duties and delights.

As I sing the great psalms and hymns and spiritual songs of our faith, I am teaching my little girl "when she walks in the way and when she lies down..."

Let her play...

Each morning a familiar sight greets me as I enter Rosalind's room: a pile of stuffed animals, books and blankets on the floor and a grinning baby waiting for me.

Several months ago, Rosalind began getting up bright and early but by 8 o'clock was acting like she'd just finished the gushiest romance novel ever and simply couldn't stop weeping. It was exhausting for both of and simply had to stop!

So we began implementing a change. After putting her back to bed consistently each morning and enduring many a pitiful cry, a wonderful new routine developed. Now, she gets up around 6:00 and after breakfast and a bit of cuddling, back to bed she goes. Most mornings she doesn't even sleep, but instead looks at books and plays with her animals.

The quiet time alone does wonders for her attitude. She emerges from her room realizing that the entire world doesn't revolve around her every whim and is learning to entertain herself. Then when I go to get her up, she is full of smiles and kisses and hugs.

I love it! While sweet happy noises emanate from her room, I can read, blog, tidy the house, start laundry... or get a bit more sleep. :)

A question for more experienced moms who may happen to stumble across this post: This routine works for us at this stage, but does it work to have a morning quiet time as children get older--say four or five? (Minus the pile of animals on the floor of course!)

Dolls and giggles

A few days ago a package arrived with this picture of Joshua and his dad enclosed.

His darling cheesy grin and this sweet post from Candace have got me thinking about how quickly the time will pass before Rosalind grows up and begins a family of her own.

It seems like just yesterday we were holding our fragile little princess in the hospital, and now she's nearly sixteen months! Though I wish time would simply slow down, I'm learning just to treasure each new day together.

Here are sixteen of our favorite things to do together.

1. Cuddle: She's especially cuddly first thing in the morning. As I get her out of the crib, she puts her chubby arms 'round my neck and covers my face with kisses.

2. Read books: Rosalind would be perfectly happy if I read to her all day long. Though there are generally other things that I have to do, I love getting to teach her the names of animals and what sounds they make, let her find things on the page and instill in her the basis of a good story.

3. Give her a bath, just for fun: What a delight an inch of water and a few rubber toys can be!

4. "Work" outside together: Which invariably leads to favorite thing #3, of course. :)

5. STEPS: Yes, I know, they're not all that exciting to most folks, but the moment we've reached the top of the steps, she grabs my hand and wants to go back down. Which is why it can take five minutes getting from the car to the front door.

6. Tickle time: Starting with her forehead, we name the parts of her face ending with tickling and giggling when we reach her neck. She loves it and has started pointing to my face saying "eye- nohhhse-eye..."

7. Put away toys together: From the time she was old enough to pull toys out of the basket, she's helped put them away. Now she grins when I say "time to put the toys away" and hums as she drops them one by one into the basket.

8. Play with her doll and teddy: What child doesn't love you playing their toys with them?

9. Work on memory verses: Though she loves all her books, this one is best. I sure don't mind that. :)

10. Dance together: A friend recently told me about music lessons offered to little ones that help them learn rhythm from infancy. Since real lessons certainly aren't in the budget right now, she said "dancing" with your baby will still help instill a good sense of rhythm. At any rate, she loves it when I turn on the Mozart and dance around the room with her.

11. Go to the park: It's our afternoon ritual. When she wakes up from her afternoon nap we head over to play in the sand and on the slide.

12. Look at pictures of family and friends: After moving far from family and friends I realized how important it is for Rosalind to have pictures up of her grandparents, cousins and soon-to-be 18 aunts and uncles.

13. Do the laundry together: After attempting to get the laundry done with her "helpfully" picking up the folded clothes and handing them to me to re-fold, I realized it was not working. Now, she gives me clothes from the basket and we work on learning the colors as I fold laundry. Much better! :)

14. Take a walk: Whether she's in the stroller or pushing her dolly around in her dolly stroller, we love taking walks together.

15. Shopping: As I've mentioned before, this little girl loves to shop! Her new thing is telling each person we meet (whether or not they're half way across the parking lot) "hi" then grinning and saying "bye".

16. Rock her to sleep: Oh! How I love watching her slowly succumb as she lays her head against my shoulder and wraps her little fingers around my arms.

Check out Susanne's blog for more favorite things. :)

Never too little...

There are so many ways even a fifteen month old can help. Sure, it may not actually cut down on the time it takes to complete a project, but incorporating children in this aspect of family life is so important. The extra effort is well worth it!

Ever since Rosalind learned how to make a mess (and that skill comes pretty early ;) she's helped clean it up. Even if it was just handing me pieces of toilet paper she'd strewn across the floor, we've begun working on the important lesson: if you make a mess, clean it up. As she grows and blossoms, I want her to know the importance of responsibility. Though I'm there to help her, she shouldn't expect someone else (i.e. me) to constantly clean up after her.

Not only does training her to put her toys away teach responsibility, but instills a sense of order and peace in the home. Keeping things picked up makes play time much more enjoyable. There is no longer an array of toys strewn across the floor to distract or be tripped on. The blocks are much more fun when she's put away her Noah's ark. One toy is much more exciting when there aren't a dozen others vying for attention.

In addition to putting her own toys away, we've been working on areas where she can help contribute to the family. I'm not advocating forced child labor or anything, but strongly believe that even the littlest children can and should take part in the tasks required to make family life run smoothly.

Even a fifteen month old can:

• Load small clothes into the dryer
• Bring Papa his shoes in the morning... and put them away when he gets home
• Help take out the trash (or at least walk hand in hand to the dumpster)
• Add flour or sugar to a batch of cookies...

Of course, helping should be fun, not drudgery. Growing up as the oldest in a large family I saw the huge difference in response depending on how I portrayed "clean up time". If I viewed it as fun, the little ones did too. Now working side by side with Rosalind gives me the opportunity to show her that having a good attitude makes work fun.

Learning to help also teaches her that she is an important and useful part of the family. She loves it when I place the basket by her side and let her put the clothes in the dryer. Once it is loaded, she walks around and pulls the dryer door shut with a look of "All done mommy, aren't I a big girl?"

Work is a normal part of life. God created us to work, to take dominion and to rejoice in His creation. As we train our children to work joyfully beside us, we are helping equip them to be godly men and women.

Bits of paper and red plastic blocks

Before leaving Missouri, Tuesday was named "Scrapbooking Day" at the Christensens. Every couple weeks Rosalind and I headed over to spend the day creating scrapbook pages, talking and enjoying time as family.

I miss it. I miss chatting for hours about everything under the sun while having Rosalind happily entertained by aunts and uncles and getting to copy Crystal's great ideas. There's something so special about working on projects together.



But my brother Erik gave me an awesome scrapbook idea book for my birthday. And since we can't get together with family, it inspired me to declare today my own scrapbook day.

I began with visions of whipping out the pages as my mind brimmed over with creative ideas.

Yeah, well... I did get the pictures out and thumbed through the book. Then I read to Rosalind and made lunch. Then Rose played with the buttons as I tried to get the page laid out. Then we played with her blocks...

At long last I finished one page.

Just one. But Rosalind is happy and didn't swallow a single button--which is the real accomplishment of the day. :)

One of Those Nights...

Last night was one of those nights. You know, the ones that really are good for you, but you would prefer not having.

Moving was difficult for me, but much more so on little Rosalind. I at least know why we were transplanted into a strange place but she just woke up one morning in a new house.

During the night she seems to notice the difference the most and over the past week has been waking up multiple times just needing to be reassured that we are here. Last night was especially rough. She got up three...four...five times and then woke up two hours earlier than usual and just wouldn't go back to sleep.

So, I got up groggily and she helped me make breakfast, wave good-bye to Josh (as he left for his first day of school!!) and before too long she was ready for a nap.

Though I would love for them to become less frequent soon, I know tired mornings like this are good for me. For, they make me realize that I just can't do this mothering thing in my own strength. I must rely upon God for patience with my sweet little girl.